What are the Relationship Guidelines Between a Mentor and Mentee?

The relationship between a mentor and a mentee can be likened to that of a painting. With a mentor providing the broad and clear strokes of direction and the mentee filling in the details. The colors are the skills that are being built as you work together. As one, you are using a broad range of techniques to create a piece of art.

This kind of teamwork, of course, requires a lot of collaboration. It requires both parties to understand one another, work with one another, and help one another. Without building this remarkable relationship, the artwork will never be successfully completed.

While there is a lot of discussion on what guidelines a mentor-mentee should have, here we have the specifics of the most common guidelines both sides agree with completely.

Communication

This is a no-brainer, and yet it is also the hardest of the lot. Maintaining open communication. 

Everyone knows that without communication a relationship simply cannot work. You need to talk to teach, you need to talk to clarify, and understand. You need to communicate to understand viewpoints, give and receive feedback improve, and build up. So why is it so hard?

Life can get in the way of so many good things if it is allowed to do so. Hours rush by and time disappears. Before you know it, you haven’t spoken to each other in weeks. Whose responsibility is it to re-open communication?

Many would say it is the responsibility of the mentee. After all, if they really want to learn they would keep the lines of communication open. But it is also the responsibility of the mentor because if enough time goes by the mentee may be put off re-opening those lines. Sometimes a little bit of encouragement can go a long way.

There are ways you can improve the lines of communication, so it is easier to keep track of each other, even during periods of inactivity. Messaging systems such as What’s app, or Facebook messenger allow for quick and easy lines to be dropped. Even if you are not talking about goals, or only sharing a funny cat picture, you are keeping the lines open.

However, inactivity can be avoided by setting specific times n the calendar when you talk. Once a week for an hour can go a long, through phone, zoom, or similar video conferencing app, or even by meeting up for lunch or coffee. By taking the initiative to set up something regular right at the start of the relationship and sticking to it you are setting lines of communication that will improve your relationship after every meeting.

Honesty

Taylor Lautner once said Honesty and Loyalty are key. If two people can be honest with each other about everything, that’s probably the biggest key to success.

Both parties in a mentor and mentee relationship need to be honest with each other. Why wouldn’t they be? I hear you ask. When you think about it, we all have a tendency to be slightly dishonest with ourselves and others. Do any of these terms sound familiar?

I’ll remember that. I don’t need to write it down. 

I can handle my drink just fine. 

No, you did great! Honest!

I’ll have it finished on time. I can afford a day off.

Such dishonesty, even in these small ways, can cause problems between a mentor and a mentee. How?

If a mentor does not want to give honest feedback because of its negative connotations, then the mentee will never improve. If the Mentee says they can meet a goal in a certain period when they really cannot they are going to miss targets or be under immense stress. If either side hears something and promises the other that they will remember it and then don’t, that can start breaking down trust in the relationship.

Honesty needs to be in the small things as well as the big things. Be clear with each other on what you can and cannot achieve. Make it clear at the start of the program that honesty is expected from both sides, no matter what that honesty means, even if its feedback can hurt, it is essential to the growth, and you will both be closer to it.

Goals and Expectations

If you are honest with each other, goals will be reachable. Therefore, the Mentee will expect the mentor to help them set the right type of goals and the mentor will expect the mentee to reach those goals. 

In a game of football, each member of the team expects them to play their part. That is how the game will be won. If any member is too busy inciting the crowd or checking his phone, he/she is not playing their part and they will lose the respect of their team. Why?

Those expectations mean a lot! To not live up to the achievable expectations that have been set out for you is to disrespect the other person, it will undermine the relationship, eventually ending it completely unless something is done. 

For Mentors, these tips can help:

• Ensure that the goals you set are within the agreed terms with your mentee.
• Always consult your mentee about goals and milestones to make sure they are in agreement.
• Set dates for the goals that work for both of you.
• Show confidence in your mentee and give them the tools they need to succeed.

For Mentees, they may want to remember the following:

• Once a goal is set with the mentor, strive to always meet it.
• Use the tools provided by your mentor to get to where you need to be. 
• Be open and honest about the goals achievability and dates.
• Show your mentor that you will do what needs to be done and that they are not wasting time when they are working with you.

Respect

Both the mentor and the mentee invest a lot of time and effort into making the relationship work, reaching the necessary goals, doing projects together, and more. Both sides need to respect the effort that the other is putting in.

Respect means showing honor to one another, being mindful of others’ needs, cares, and feelings. It also means speaking with respect, listening carefully. Being patient. 

Respect is defined as a feeling of deep admiration for someone elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. If you admire someone, you do not look down on them, do not lecture them, you give them a chance to speak, even if they have done something you don’t agree with. It is being considerate, thoughtful, polite no matter who they are, what their standing is, or where they are from. 

It goes both ways. It is easy to admire and respect a mentor, you wouldn’t have asked them to be a mentor if you did not respect what they had achieved. For a mentor, however, they may find it a little harder to respect a mentee. But they do so because they see what they can become. 

To be respectful of each other, it is good to first note all the positive qualities about each other. While you may not naturally respect them, searching for positive qualities helps you to build your respect. 

Some practical things you can both do to improve respect is:

• Letting each other finish a sentence before they speak.
• Listen attentively when the other is speaking.
• Watch your tongue and be mindful of how words can hurt.
• Remember your manners, always say please and thank you. Little gestures go a long way.
• Keep to the agreed boundaries. Crossing this line is a mark of disrespect.

Boundaries 

Setting boundaries at the start of a relationship will ensure that both sides know where they stand. Misunderstandings are less likely to come about, and frustrations can be avoided. 

What boundaries are we talking about?

• Confidentiality. The relationship between a mentor and a mentee is honest. One or both of you might end up talking about some of the most embarrassing moments in your life, stories you don’t want spreading around. Make sure you both set rules of confidentiality at the start. Let each other know if there are things you want only between them. Of course, if there is a legal reason to break the confidentiality code with your mentor/mentee you probably need to do so.
• Limits. The mentee goes to a mentor to learn something. Make sure you both agree on when this limit is reached. If the mentor can teach no more, as the mentee has learned everything they have, it is time for the mentee to move on.
• Culture conflicts. Address these at the start if you foresee a future problem. This could be because one is a completely different generation, or from halfway around the globe. People do things differently depending on how they have been raised. Spend a day together and discuss the differences so you can embrace them. 
• Understand what a mentor is and what a mentor is not. Not a therapist. Not a boss. Not a parent. Have clear lines on what you are and are not talking about. Show support to your mentee, but ensure they understand that you are not there to listen to all of their woes if it is not related to what you are mentoring. This will save a lot of grief and heartache.
• HomeLife. This will be different depending on the person. Some like to keep their lives at home separate, others like to show the pictures of their little beauties growing up to be like their mother at every opportunity. Make sure you both know where the other stands when it comes to home life, and respect the other’s decision to talk, or not talk, about it.